How Emotional Intelligence Can Transform Your Leadership (Part 5)

0:00 There are so many things that's a great story because there are so many things that we carry forward that have just been these traditions, right? And and it's OK to what I'll say, challenge those traditions, right? Not challenge in a way that's going to be disruptive, but ask the question, why, why do we communicate this way, right? Why, why when we get together, you know, the resolution always has to kind of, you know, take these 6 steps versus, you know, there's a lot easier path. We got three steps that we can get there. Welcome to leadership sovereignty. I'm your host Terry Baylor along with Ralph Owens. And then this final episode of Emotional Intelligence geared towards your personal growth.

0:46 We'll review self-awareness, resilience and well-being. Enjoy the show. And we are live back again. Terry, how you feeling? Hey man, I'm giving it everything I got to make sure that I can articulate the winning side of life. That's good, that's good. That's tweetable. You know what I'm saying? But it's a lot going on, man. I had, you know, someone called me today and just share, you know, So here's the thing, right? Emotional intelligence is so important because there are so many things we don't control, right? And so someone calling me about the things that they don't control, and I'm like, you know what? Stay at peace.

1:48 Right. Yeah, 'cause there's so many things we don't control, man. I mean, people doing things for all kind of reasons, right? So true. You know, they say, you know, we like a family. You know, treat me like your family did. Right. You know, but, you know, and people are people. There's a lot going on in the country. People are stressed, you know, just all kind of things going on. But if you can stay at peace, and I believe the beat, the base of that peace is anchored in EQ, right? Yeah, yeah 'cause we can't control the scenarios. That's true. That's true.

2:30 You know that's true, Pastor. But we can't control how we. I'm sorry, but we can't control how we react. That's the only thing you have control over. That is the only thing you have control over. Pastor Joe says it like this. He says your your place of peace is your place of power. Oh boy, that's good. If you can maintain your peace, you can maintain your power. Wow, yeah, man, that's real good right there. That's there's a lot in that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because. Again, right. You, you control what you say, right? You control what you do. You control the action and the reaction. Yeah, yeah, right.

3:15 I know one of the techniques we talk about sometimes when the situation is going on, just talk softly. Yes. Because when you talk softly, you know what people do? They lean in. That's right. They got to match you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a good, it's a great technique. It's a great technique. Yeah, yeah. So good. I'm excited about today's show. Awesome, awesome, awesome. So this is episode 5 of how emotional intelligence can transform your leadership. So we're gonna talk about personal growth today. First topic is emotional intelligence and self-awareness. So understanding your strengths and weaknesses, Terry, what what, what comes to mind for you when you talk, when you think about, you know, EQ and you're and being self aware of your own strengths.

3:58 Yeah. I mean, you got to know you, right? No one knows you better than you. I think I've talked about this in the past, but there's an exercise that I do, you know, in the morning sometime I do it in the evening, I'll just get in the mirror, right? And I'd look in the mirror and I'm not just looking at my silhouette, so to speak, right? I think a lot of times when we look in the mirror, we're looking really at the external us, right? But I look in the mirror and I look directly into my eyes. You know, the Bible says that your eyes are the gateway to your soul, right? So I look into my eyes and I and I, I, I'm like, Hey, who, who are you?

4:39 Who do you want to be, right? What, what is your purpose? What is driving you right? And I, I, I have these kind of internal self conversations and then I state, Terry, this is who you are. This is who you are designed to be. This is your purpose on earth to serve those on earth for the betterment of the Kingdom of God, right? This is this is here's the thing, man, if we can align our what and why to our purpose, that will help man fortify and give you some direction in terms of, you know, what kind of person, what kind of personality, what kind of character do you want to show out there? Right?

5:39 All these, these little techniques are, are really crucial to really get beyond what I'll call that out of surface of who we are, right? Yeah, no, it's good. Yeah, it's really good. It's really good. I know for me, when it, when you talk about understanding your strengths and weaknesses with EQ, it it really tell it. It really speaks to putting myself in situations where I know I could succeed, right, in avoiding putting myself in situations where I know I may have a weakness in, right. You know, there may be certain conversations that you may not do well with because of issues in your past or things of that nature. Having the ability to use EQ to understand your emotions when topics like that come up allow you to put yourselves in situations where you can win and you don't have to worry about, you know, react in a certain way and things of that nature. So if you don't understand your own and your own emotions, then you know, how can you avoid those situations, right? Or look for the opportunities for your strengths to shine. So I said it's a really good one. What about setting goals and, and achieving personal growth, right?

6:54 What what what comes to mind for you there with EQ? That's at the core, yeah. Yeah, I think that's at the core really raffle what leadership sovereignty is all about, right? It is getting better each day. And I'll I'll just give you know, an, an anecdotal, you know, real life scenario, right? So my wife tells me all the time, Terry, you come from a big family, so you tend to interrupt people when you when you're in a conversation. I work really hard on that to wait. Now, I never saw it from that perspective, but it makes sense, right? When you have six brothers and two sisters.

7:36 Yeah. There's that's a big conversation, you know, when you guys get together for holidays and whatnot. And I'm sure there's something about that experience over the length of my life that when I am in conversation, yeah, it's something that I didn't really pay attention to or notice, but it's something that I actively work on. Like to this day when I'm, when I'm speaking with someone. Wait, let them finish their thought, right? And, and, and not, you know, waiting to respond. But yeah, I mean, just getting better, right. To your point about understanding your strengths and weaknesses, right?

8:18 So there are certain scenarios that we're going to be in that we can't control, right? There going to be certain triggers that we have. And we know that those are the those are our triggers. Some of them may be based in a life experience, right? Some of them may be based in a pattern that we were just born in, right? And so we have to be aware that, oh, OK, this, hey, just because your family does, it doesn't mean it's right. That's right, Right, Right. You know what I'm saying? I'd be someone told the story and my wife told me this. I'm sure you knew you, you may have heard it too, But the story goes, someone was cooking a roast, right?

9:01 And they were like, why didn't you cut the you know, why did you cut the butt off the roast? Well, because grandma cut the, you know, butt off. And and so we've been doing it for generations. As a matter of fact, Ralph, you never even told me this story. And then they went, well, let's go ask, you know, great granny, why they, oh, man, great great grandma cut the butt off the roast because the pan was too small. And so there are so many things. That's a great story because there are so many things that we carry forward that have just been these traditions, right? And, and it's OK to what I'll say, challenge those traditions, right? Not challenge in a way that's going to be disruptive, but ask the question, why, Why do we communicate this way, right? Why, why when we get together, you know, the resolution always has to kind of, you know, take these 6 steps versus, you know, there's a lot easier path.

10:03 We got three steps that we can get there. So I think it's, it's OK. And, and then I'll say this, right? I think the biggest lesson for me, and that is, and I'm still learning things, right? When you are in a relationship, of course, marriage is one of the easiest ones to, you know, find this out. But even in friendships, right? You're going to find out that there are patterns and things that in relationships people do that may grate you the wrong way and you're like, oh, that's uncomfortable. Well, when you start getting down to the bottom of it, it's just that family or whomever had a different pattern, so. Yeah, that's good. That's really good. That's really good. I love how you talked about, you know, just the, the whole interrupting thing, right? And making it a goal for yourself. You know, I'm, I'm going to become better in this area, right?

10:54 That's what it takes, right? Is, is being real with yourself, right? You know, looking at your emotions, using EQ to, to analyze your emotions and saying, OK, this is something that I can get better in, right? You know, for me it was, I think for me, I think for me, it was in marriage. It was not, not, not not listening to, to just to be ready to say my part, right? Because you could be in a conversation and you're not listening to anything the other person's saying. I'm just waiting to say my part because I think I'm right, you know, but thoughtfully listening and, and active listening as, as they call it and, and really asking deeper questions, you know, to, to get a better understanding, right?

11:39 That was something that I had to really work on. Sure, you know, because I like to move fast and sometimes things don't move fast, right? You got to slow down and take the time that they serve. So that's good. It's good. So let's let's go to the next one. Emotional intelligence and resilience. So overcoming challenges and setbacks, right? So first thing that came to mind for me when I read that was it is not what happens to you that's most important. It's what you do after what happens that's most important, right? You can have a bad incident. And to Terry's point, he kind of opened up with it. You cannot control what's what other people do You can't. It is it is 100% out of your control. And some of us think that we have the power to control what other people do and we do not.

12:30 God did not give us that power, but what we have 100% complete control over is how we respond to the things that come to us or the things that happened to us. So by using emotional intelligence, you can change your outlook and perspective in context on how or what happened to you in a positive direction that allows you to overcome that challenge and that set back right, because those those are the things that are completely within your control to do. But I tell you what comes to what comes to mind for you, You know, when we talk about overcoming challenges and setbacks with EQ.

13:13 Yeah. Here's the thing. Any challenge that you are facing, you know, I would say the number one thing we can do as it relates to EQ is to look at that challenge as an opportunity, right? I think that is one of the biggest areas of growth that we all can probably work on because typically we look at a challenge or, you know, our set back as something that is holding us back, something that's keeping us from something. Here's the thing where I've been, I've been, you know, studying this, this lesson about that very thing, right?

13:56 And so the, the, the orator of the, of the lesson, I'm listening to he, he, he frames it like this, right? Anytime a sword is, is is is made, right? It's tempered, it's gone through the fire and it's tested right. So that testing proves that it's ready for its purpose. Think of it this way. If there's a challenge that you are facing or there is a set back that has occurred, look at and this is this is a this is an element of EQ, right? Because our emotional intelligence around dealing with salvaging situations is going to be key because we're going to act out of whatever it is we're experiencing, right?

14:56 But if you can look at that experience as, oh, I'm being forged, I'm being, I'm being proven right. This is this is this is a scenario that's or experience that I'm in that is growing me right. So when you face any type of salad, and so now it may not be something internal, maybe something external, it may be a person. So when you look at that scenario as, oh, OK, this is an opportunity for me to grow and be forged as a stronger leader, right? I'll, this may be an opportunity for empathy, right?

15:36 This may be an opportunity to challenge, right, Ralph, just to kind of go back to the dreaded drama triangle, right, right. And so one of the biggest things that we can do in those challenging moments is to not see ourselves as a victim, right? So we have some opportunities, right? I can be a challenger. Most importantly, I can be a creator. I can create out of any scenario or situation that I'm in. Yeah, right. Because creativity is my most powerful tool. Sure is. That's awesome. That is awesome. That is awesome, man. That is, that is fantastic.

16:19 Building resilience through emotional regulation, by regulating our emotions, we can build resilience that we can come to count on and depend on ourselves, right? I think it's a, it's a powerful, you know, experience when you start to regulate your own emotions and you now become more resilient for yourself first, which then allows you to become more resilient for others. But I mean, what were your thoughts on that, Sir? Wow, Ralph, I think that is that is tremendous resilience for yourself. I think there's no greater or from a, from a, from a human standpoint, right, Other than, of course, you know, the power of, of God. But when you can rely on yourself, that's, that's a pretty, that's a pretty, that's a pretty heavy statement, right? I can rely on myself and situations of stress or situations of eye concentration, situations that are demanding. I can rely on myself to respond emotionally correct. Yes.

17:43 Right now, now, mostly correct doesn't necessarily mean necessarily saying the perfect thing, but it does mean the room is being managed properly, right? It's not saying you have to be a perfect human being, but we're all saying is that the energy in the room, right, is being properly managed. Because some things you're figuring out as you go, right? Some, some scenarios are new, right? Some situations are new, but because you've been practicing and some of the key things that we talked about earlier, right? You've been practicing spiritual health, right? You've been practicing physical health, you've been practicing mental health, right?

18:34 You've been practicing relational health. So when you get into these situations, now you can draw from that, right? So you, your, your senses, your, your ability to sense what's happening. Because here's the thing, right? We're talking to leaders here. And in these scenarios, people are looking to you for the ballot, right, to maintain the equilibrium in the room, right? Because things are going to rise, right? Temperatures are going to rise. Yeah, yeah. That's right. How do we manage it? Yeah, yeah. That's good. Oh man, it's some good. That's that's really, really good. That's really, really good.

19:18 I mean, they're moving to the the last major point about emotional intelligence and well-being, right? You know, the connection between emotional intelligence and mental health. I, I, I believe that, you know, strongly regulated emotions, you know, produce a stable mental health, right? Because when you are not a slave to your emotions, you just have to just pop off and do whatever your emotions come to mind and you actually regulate them. You have a, a more stable mental environment and, and, and, and results in a stable mental health. But like what? What are your your thoughts on that here? Yeah, I believe you saying who you want to be or who you're going to be is a part of that, Is a part of that mental health, right?

20:11 Because you are. Because here's the thing, we are becoming, right? We are developing, always growing, always learning. And so when you practice who you want to be, practice saying who you want to be. Right. So just like if you want to get some certification, you tell yourself I'm going to get the certification. Well, when you start speaking that over yourself, then your your consciousness, your subconscious, all the things that you are start to act towards that start to move towards that. So if you start saying I am going to be a person that operates with EQ, I'm going to be a person of high character.

20:56 I'm going to let my character match my, my capacity and my skill level, right? When you, when you start speaking that, then your being starts to move towards that. You start to create that picture, right. And so I love one of my favorite books that I've bought, man, I probably bought 6 or 7 copies of this is the, is the book that Joel wrote the I am book, right? And so when you start saying what you are, you start moving towards that very thing, right? Because again, I'm always going to go back to, you know, my anchor is, is the Bible. And so one of the techniques in there are one of the things that it says about is look what you say you are. That's what you're going to be, right? So as a man speaketh, so is he.

21:59 Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks, right? So if you're saying I am kind, I am courteous, I am thoughtful, right? I am a strong leader. I am a leader with integrity. I'm a leader with high character. I'm a leader that shows empathy, right? I'm a leader with balance. I am not a leader with over character, right and and and and lack skill set, right, because now I'm going to open compensate on the people side of things. Yeah, I want my balance leader.

22:41 So, yeah, I think if we start practicing those things, I think it's key for us as leaders because we carry a lot of, at the end of the day, man, there's a lot on our shoulders. Yeah, that's right. Right. There are a lot of people looking to us for answers. And now it's not that we in and our ourselves have all the answers, right? There's another source. We have, you know, mentors, right, mentees even kind of sold back into us. We have a Board of Governors that's, you know, one of the our personal things that we, yeah, our personal board rather where there are folks that we can go to and say, hey, I haven't seen this situation.

23:23 Can you, can you help me? So all these things help in our mental Wellness because we're not carrying that load all by ourselves, right? So that's where that relational piece plays a role. But I think just being balanced, I, I just have to go back to, to, to being balanced and knowing that you don't have, I'm going to take go back to this. I love this. You don't have to know it all. All you have to know is there is an answer. That's right, Every day. Every day you, you said something that made me think of when you talked about how as a man thinketh, so is he. I believe it was Henry Ford, if I quote this correctly, said. A man who believes that he can accomplish something, it's right.

24:15 A man who believes that he can accomplish something is also right. Yes. You will be what you believe you are. Yes, yeah, yes. Yeah, yeah, that's so. Good. Yeah, because because here's and I'm, I'm glad you said the word believe because here's what's really key about the word believe, right? Your beliefs are anchored in your convictions. So let's dig deep again, right? What are your convictions? These are the things that that control your method of execution and operation, right at A at a human level, at a life level. So, you know, really digging into that is going to help us as leaders really understand what our true north is, what's driving us, what's our purpose, what's our passion, right?

25:08 Are we doing it for ourselves? Are we doing it for the bigger purpose, a bigger vision? Right. It's good, it's good, it's really good. It's really good. Then finally promoting emotional well-being and happiness. You know, and the thing that came to mind for me here is we have to prioritize our emotional well-being. We have to prioritize our emotional well-being and our happiness. I, I came from a family of men who believed in serving God and taking care of their families. Did they prioritize their emotional happiness, emotional well-being? Probably not as much as they could have, right? And I, and I say all that to say, you know, it's not a knock towards them, but you could be so focused on doing a good thing that you miss out on doing the right thing, right?

25:56 You have to be, it has to be something that's top of mind for you, because when it is top of mind for you, then you can do the, the actions that you need to do to prioritize your emotional well-being. I mean, thoughts on that, Terry? Yeah, I'm just gonna say, man. And Ken, I don't wanna. I think I'm just gonna, I think as an African American man, we have to really focus in on that, you know, because then the seats that we're in just really been transparent here. You know, we, we, we're there, there's not a lot of us in these seats. And so we feel an extra burden and wait sometimes because we do want to prepare the way for the next generation, right? I, I had a call a couple weeks ago with a gentleman who's, who's in college and, you know, he's like Mr. Baylor, you know, I'm taking some classes and got a year left and really just want to make sure that my career path is in alignment. And, and he saw what, you know, what, what we're doing, you know, aligns with, you know, where he wants to go on life. And it really crystallized that for me that we are creating a pathway, you know, for the next, you know, generation of African American leaders.

27:21 And because we just, I mean, in my career, man, I just didn't have these conversations. I just I. Just I didn't. Hear this stuff. I didn't hear it. I didn't hear it. And so I think it's important that we are intentional about this message and but it's also important that we are intentional about sticking around because because you know, when we're off doing our next set of things, right, those gentlemen can have somewhere to go. And, and I'm going to refer back to our previous podcast with Lawrence Losco and we talked about succession planning and he talked about, you know, in order to do that successfully, you have to have something you're going to.

28:12 So I think that's also a part of our, our mental, you know, health and and understanding. OK, guys, we need to be preparing to go to something so we can be around right to, you know, to support the next generation. Yeah, that's good. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I agree 100%. We have a responsibility. You're right in the seats that we that we sit. And it's not just to, you know, ourselves and our families, but those who come after us because there are those who went before us to make sure that we have the opportunity to sit in these seats. So no, absolutely, 100% agree. So this was excellent, excellent show. We really dug into some really good Nuggets. I think they're really going to help those who are listening and building their careers and things of that nature. So we thank you and appreciate all the listeners. Right.

29:04 Just want to give a heartfelt shout out to those who listen, listen every week. And I'm just going to throw some names out there. You all won't know who they are, but thank you, Gary. Thank you, Kennedy. Thank you, Regina. Thank you, Renee. You know, all the ones that always reach out to us and and always give us great feedback and always, you know, support us. Thank you very much. Just want to give you a shout out. Yes, thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Well, until. The next time, be blessed and we will see you on the next show. Thank you for listening to the Leadership Sovereignty Podcast. If this content blessed or helped you in any kind of way, support us today by subscribing to our YouTube channel, clicking the like button for this episode, and sharing this content with others that you think it will help. Until next time, stay safe, peace and blessings.