I Don't Know How to Tell You This, But You Have a Brain Tumor: Faith, Surgery, and the Angels in the Room (Part 4 of 7)

Phillip Gregory McKibbins (00:00)
And then he proceeds to say, I don't know how to tell you this, but you have a brain tumor, you're gonna die. You probably got a week to live. So I would just get my affairs in order. And I wouldn't fly back to the mainland because you're gonna die.

Ralph Owens (00:09)
Wow.

Phillip Gregory McKibbins (00:14)
I got so upset. It wasn't the fact that he told me that. It was the fact that he told me in front of my wife and he didn't give me a chance to prepare her. So she starts crying. My daughter's crying. Everybody's freaking out.

Ralph Owens (00:21)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Ralph Owens (00:28)
Welcome to the Leadership Sovereignty podcast, where we focus on leadership principles to help you grow and excel at your career. In this week's episode of Speak the Truth to Power, part four, Philip talks about his experience with a brain tumor, an incredible encounter with God, and how overcoming challenges is just a part of life. Enjoy the show.

Phillip Gregory McKibbins (01:05)
don't know if I told you guys that when I was at ESPN, I found out that I had a brain tumor. It was told that I was in Hawaii on a family vacation, the one we had planned for years. And I'm driving us back to the resort and I get this really bad headache. And I had a 45 mile drive on the big island.

Terry Baylor (01:13)
No. ⁓

Ralph Owens (01:21)
Mm-hmm.

Phillip Gregory McKibbins (01:31)
and I lost sensation where I could not feel my legs. And I'm the one driving the van and I'm thinking, my God, ⁓ everybody's gonna die. And all I could do was pray and I was like, Father, give me sensation to stop this van. And when we finally got back to our resort, 45 miles later, I was able to just put enough pressure to slow it down so we could turn, then I put it in park.

And everybody gets out, my wife was like, what are you doing? And I'm like, I can't move. And my wife and nephew helped me upstairs. The pain got worse. They take me to the hospital. Ambulance comes and I'm in the hospital for 12 hours. And then the doctor is having trouble helping me deal with my pain. So he gave me this sedative that made me hallucinate.

And my wife became this tree and my nephew became Roger Rabbit and I could hear this baby screaming. And I'm telling my wife, tell that baby to shut up. And she's like, there's no baby here. I'm like, yes, it is. The baby's crying. The doctor walks in and says, yeah, there's a baby on the other side of the hospital that we can't stop crying. And my senses were so heightened that I could hear. It was almost like mutant-like.

Ralph Owens (02:33)
Hmph.

Terry Baylor (02:36)
Wow.

Ralph Owens (02:52)
Wow.

Terry Baylor (02:59)
Wow.

Phillip Gregory McKibbins (02:59)
And

then my wife says, what did you give my husband? And he said, well, I gave him the equivalent of medical grade LSD. And she's like, well, stop it now. So he turns it off and then she becomes her normal self. And then he proceeds to say, I don't know how to tell you this, but you have a brain tumor, you're gonna die. You probably got a week to live. So I would just get my affairs in order. And I wouldn't fly back to the mainland because you're gonna die.

Ralph Owens (03:11)
Mm.

Wow.

Phillip Gregory McKibbins (03:29)
I got so upset. It wasn't the fact that he told me that. It was the fact that he told me in front of my wife and he didn't give me a chance to prepare her. So she starts crying. My daughter's crying. Everybody's freaking out. And I'm the one going, this happened to me and everybody else was crying. So we leave the hospital, we get back. My son was at the time preparing for training camp because he was going to ⁓ play in the NFL.

Ralph Owens (03:35)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Phillip Gregory McKibbins (03:59)
And I called him and I said, look, I feel I need to tell you, the doctor said I had a tumor. They don't think I'm gonna make it. I'm sorry, but is there any way you can get here and just help get your mom back home and just calm everybody. And he calls my daughter and he's like, is daddy exaggerating or is he telling the truth? She's like, no, he's telling the truth.

Ralph Owens (04:17)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Phillip Gregory McKibbins (04:27)
So my son hopped on the first plane and got to the big Island. My wife is petrified and she had said his look on her face. And I told her we were going to go out and just have a good time that day. And then I pulled the van over. I don't know why they let me drive, but they did. And I pulled the van over and she's like, why did you pull the van over? And she didn't see our son was standing there. And he got on the van.

Ralph Owens (04:55)
Mm.

Phillip Gregory McKibbins (04:57)
and the look on her face with how calm she got. And he said, look, we're going to have a good time. There's going be no talk of a tumor and we're just going to enjoy each other. So we spent the next week having a blast as a family. I still was in a lot of pain, but I just kind of dealt with it. The doctor told me that the tumor will probably burst in the air, so you may not make it. So I had to deal with that fear. And I flew back to LA.

Ralph Owens (05:01)
Mmm.

Phillip Gregory McKibbins (05:28)
Then I had to go back to Bristol, Connecticut. This is when I was working at ESPN. ⁓ And I went back and went to see my CTO and told him, and he said, look, you need to go home and get your affairs in order. And one of my colleagues actually helped me and called because I was having trouble getting to see a specialist. ⁓ And I went to see ⁓ my doctor and he told me you need to see an endocrinologist.

And this endocrinologist in Connecticut diagnosed my tumor. And she told me that if you get operated on here at UConn, you're going to die on the table. There's only three places in the world that deals with this type of tumor. She said it's Mass General in Boston, Mayo Clinic in Minneapolis, or Cedars-Cinion. And since the family lived in LA, I was like, Cedars-Cinion.

Ralph Owens (06:11)
Mm.

Mm-hmm.

Phillip Gregory McKibbins (06:26)
And I

went out to LA, got to see the specialist. He took a couple of weeks and then he decided finally to do the surgery. I had been trying to talk to my wife for weeks about, look, I got this insurance policy. I want you to move on with your life. I want you to buy a house. I want you to do this, do that. She would not talk to me at all about it. And then

Ralph Owens (06:51)
Hmm. Hmm. Hmm.

Phillip Gregory McKibbins (06:56)
When I'm finally at the hospital and they are putting the IVs in my arms, she goes, okay, let's talk about the insurance policy. And I'm like, why would you wait till now? But so I tell her, look, everything is here. And I'm like, if I don't make it off the table, you know, this is what I want you to do. So then what happens is I go, they take me in.

And the doctor asked me, you mind if we allow some students to watch the surgery? And I was like, sure. And I did not know that when I said that, that I was about to get a tremendous blessing. And so right before then, he also says, do you mind if we lay hands on you and pray over you?

Terry Baylor (07:49)
Mm. Mm.

Ralph Owens (07:50)
Hmm.

Phillip Gregory McKibbins (07:50)
And that's

not something you see a lot of doctors do. A lot of doctors have God complex where they think they're the ones saving. And I said, sure. So everybody in that room laid hands on me and prayed over me. And then he said, OK, you ready to go to sleep? And I'm like, yeah, you know. And I started my count from 100. I think I got to 97. And then I was out. the surgery was supposed to be two hours. It took 12.

Ralph Owens (07:53)
Bye.

Phillip Gregory McKibbins (08:19)
I had a tumor that surrounded my pituitary gland. It had actually gotten into the cavity that protects the pituitary gland. It was causing me all types of problems where I thought I was having heart issues and it was affecting my hormonal system. And the doctor who diagnosed it was spot on. ⁓ And about hour eight, I wake up on the table.

and I'm looking around and I'm looking up and I see the instrument, I see my brain, I see the drill, I see him operating on me, and I'm actually kind of fascinated by it. But then I heard this incredible sound. It was just the most amazing thing. And I look up and I see what we would term as angels.

Ralph Owens (08:48)
What?

⁓

my god.

Phillip Gregory McKibbins (09:18)
completely surrounding the room. They had horns and harps and drums and they were singing and it was just, I got so calm and it was so beautiful. It's so hard to describe. There's nothing I've ever heard before in my life. And I'm looking at them and they're smiling at me. And because I had prayed and said, Father God, surround me with my guardian angels. All right.

Ralph Owens (09:21)
Wow.

Phillip Gregory McKibbins (09:49)
Someone says, he's awake. And the doctor goes to the anesthesiologist and says, put him out now. And I went back to sleep. And I wake up a few hours later and the doctor tells me, hey, it was touch and go. We nearly lost you on the table. We had to revive you a couple of times. And he said, I got 95 % of the tumor.

Had I got the rest, I could have nicked your carotid artery and you would have had a stroke and died on the table. So we'll have to deal with the rest via medication. And he asked me, what did you see? I said, I saw the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. And I said, if ever there was a doubt in my mind about the presence of God, I no longer have that doubt. And...

Ralph Owens (10:37)
Yeah. Wow.

Wow.

Phillip Gregory McKibbins (10:42)
And he was like, okay, family's here and you'll be in recovery for a couple more hours. I'll see you in a little bit. Go back to sleep. I wake up, someone's holding my hand. And when I wake up, it was the starting quarterback for UCLA, who was a young man I coached for many years. And he's holding my hand and I'm like, Kevin, what are you doing here? And he said, I heard you were having surgery.

Ralph Owens (10:54)
Mm-hmm.

Mm.

Mmm.

Phillip Gregory McKibbins (11:11)
dropped everything and I needed to be here with you coach because you've had such an impact on my life. And he held my hand for hours and he talked to me and I was in a lot of pain. And he just told me what he meant, what I meant to him. And I told him what he meant to me. And I was so touched that this guy would drop everything. And he spent several hours with me. And the moral of the story,

Ralph Owens (11:18)
Mm.

Mm.

Phillip Gregory McKibbins (11:41)
was if ever there was a time

that made me start truly believing that I could do anything. And that as long as I was faithful and worked hard, I could do it, was that moment. And ultimately I ended up getting laid off by ESPN, you know, cause I was in the great layoff of 2017. ⁓ And even that was a blessing because, you know, the CTL thought, okay, I'm gonna make sure we give you a nice golden parachute.

Ralph Owens (11:54)
Yes.

Mm-hmm.

Phillip Gregory McKibbins (12:17)
And he's thinking, I want you to heal and get your life in order. Because I wasn't the same. It took a while ⁓ for me to get healthy again, because I struggled with, if there were two competing sounds, I could not focus. ⁓ And then after being laid off, and he really did me a favor, because I had a chance to really heal. Because I tried to come back way too early, because you're afraid you're going lose your job.

Ralph Owens (12:44)
Mm-hmm. ⁓

Phillip Gregory McKibbins (12:46)
And in essence, that's what put me on the path as well, because I started to gain greater confidence in myself and I started going after other positions, positions higher than I had gone after before. And I was like, look, dude, if you overcome these things, getting a higher level position is nothing. So, and I share that because God is amazing.

Ralph Owens (13:00)
Yeah. Yeah.

Yes.

Terry Baylor (13:08)
Right.

Ralph Owens (13:10)
Right.

Phillip Gregory McKibbins (13:16)
and I just, I've given all the honor and glory and praise and I'm not, I'm not ashamed to share that because I think there's somebody out there that needs to know that you can achieve anything. If you're willing to just put in the time and keep working and keep developing your network. And the other thing is, is you gotta be willing to go other places. It is rare that you're going to get in the company that you're going to work your way all the way up. It's very rare.

Ralph Owens (13:28)
Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Phillip Gregory McKibbins (13:46)
You're gonna have to go gain other skills that'll help you increase your salary. It'll give you greater challenges and you'll learn how to deal with different types of people. but man.

Terry Baylor (13:59)
Feel amazing.

my gosh. There's just, I had to hold myself together, man, to be honest with you. I'm just, I'm in awe of God, of course. I'm in awe of what I hear is, look, the challenge is not too great for God. There's just, there's no challenge, no matter what it is, no matter what it is you're facing right now, the challenge is not too big for God.

Phillip Gregory McKibbins (14:15)
Thank

It's true.

Terry Baylor (14:28)
We

have one, there's one, one responsibility we have. Believe, believe if we just, so I appreciate you sharing what you shared, man. And I really hope the richness and the transparency that you're ⁓ sharing today really ⁓ gives, I know it's given me confidence, further confidence to keep pursuing.

Ralph Owens (14:55)
you

Terry Baylor (14:58)
you know, those things that I'm pursuing, right? Because he knows and look, if he's done it for one, he'll do it for another.

Phillip Gregory McKibbins (15:06)
Well, the bottom line, gentlemen, is you're gonna face challenges. And I'll tell everybody out there that's listening. And just like you said, there's no challenge greater than God. You're gonna lose your job. You're gonna get laid off. You're gonna get sick. You're gonna have problems. You must keep the faith. You must keep believing and you keep working. And for me,

Ralph Owens (15:28)
Right. Yeah.

Phillip Gregory McKibbins (15:31)
You know, look, we've gone through a lot of challenges, especially being in Dallas, Maverick. Everybody knows our most recent challenge. ⁓ But you don't stop. You keep believing, you keep going. And ⁓ good things are coming your way. ⁓ And so, you know, I was telling this to my son the other day, and he had recently lost his job. And I was like, you know, when one door closes, God's going to open another.

Ralph Owens (15:39)
Mm-hmm.

Phillip Gregory McKibbins (16:00)
and it's going to be bigger, better, bolder than you can imagine. My daughter's going through that now and I've told her, be still, calm down, trust God, just have a conversation, get in your quiet room, have a conversation, give this to him, let him take over, be faithful, be obedient.

Ralph Owens (16:05)
Yes.

Terry Baylor (16:26)
Sure.

Phillip Gregory McKibbins (16:27)
Stop stressing. And you know, my wife is lovely as she is. We talk about this all the time about, ⁓ I always challenge her with, you don't have to worry. We're gonna have financial problems. Okay, I'm sitting here as a CTO and I've got financial problems? Of course I do, because I'm a human being.

Ralph Owens (16:28)
Mm.

Right.

Yeah.

Phillip Gregory McKibbins (16:55)
So you're going to have those challenges, but you don't stop. And that I'll tell any and everybody that if you want a profession that can take you around the world, have you be in the company of some of most amazing people.

You know, I look at, you know, working with the CIO of the Sands, Gideon Berkowitz, an amazing technology leader, or dealing with our owner, ⁓ Patrick Dumont. And it's an honor to be able to listen to him and see, this is how this dude rolls himself up and got himself in a position to run, you know, one of the largest companies in the world, or...

Ralph Owens (17:21)
Mm. Mm.

Phillip Gregory McKibbins (17:41)
or dealing with our other owner, Maryam Adelson, who's a doctor and how she got to where she got to and seeing, you know, or even being around somebody like a Mark Cuban and realizing that what's the difference between me and him? Nothing. The only difference is, is he had a vision and he put in the work and he was willing to take risks ⁓ and calculated risks and he kept working.

Ralph Owens (17:58)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Phillip Gregory McKibbins (18:09)
And when I've had the opportunity to talk with him, I'm blown away by some of the things that he said, just that the brilliance just exudes from him. But see, it exudes from all of us if we're willing to open our mouths, get out of our comfort zone, and then also get out of thinking the worst because we face adversity. You know, as people of color, there's very few people that look like me and you in these positions.

Ralph Owens (18:31)
Mm. Yes.

Right.

Phillip Gregory McKibbins (18:39)
And learning that you can do it and that it's okay to be the only one and that our role in our job is to pay it forward and to keep developing others. And I mean, I look at it like this, you guys have this podcast to inform, to educate and to inspire people. ⁓ And that's what you're doing, you know, and, and we've got to, to ⁓ speak truth to everything that's going on in this world, you know, and

Terry Baylor (18:58)
Yes, sir.

Ralph Owens (19:07)
Yes.

Phillip Gregory McKibbins (19:08)
I know when we were talking earlier, when we were having the conversation about, well, what are those books and things that impact you? And I will tell you that of all the books I've read, of all the articles I've read, the book that has impacted me more than any book was the autobiography of Malcolm X by Alex Haley. And the reason why it impacted me is not for the obvious. It impacted me because

This man's story, his journey, talking about his family, talking about watching his father murdered and lynched and his mother going crazy and the struggles he went through with drug addiction and slinging drugs and then finding the nation of Islam and then the challenges he went through with being in a nation and dealing with jealousy and dealing with all the stuff he dealt with.

And then finally realizing that some of the things that he was saying was not true and that there were brothers out there that were much lighter than him that were true brothers that believed in God, believed in Allah, believed in the faith. And that when he got on the path and started realizing that I need to help mankind, you know, a lot of people don't know

Ralph Owens (20:35)
Mm-hmm.

Terry Baylor (20:37)
Right.

Phillip Gregory McKibbins (20:37)
that the conversations that he had with Dr. King and how they became closer towards the end of his life. And he started realizing that it wasn't just one way to do things, you know? And a lot of people don't know that even Dr. King was inspired by him and learning that, you know, sometimes you do have to do things that may not be the norm.

Ralph Owens (20:42)
Mm-hmm.

Mm. Mm.

Mm-hmm.

Phillip Gregory McKibbins (21:04)
You know, and this is close to me because my father, my grandfather was best friends with Dr. King's father. They live right next door to one another. ⁓ And, you know, I'm gonna shame my aunt right now, so she's listening. You might as well accept it. My aunt used to bully Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. when he was little. You know what I I heard that story. She's smacking his brother's head and stuff.

Ralph Owens (21:04)
Mm-hmm.

Wow. ⁓

Terry Baylor (21:18)
Wow.

my gosh, amazing.

Ralph Owens (21:33)
you

Terry Baylor (21:34)
That's amazing.

Phillip Gregory McKibbins (21:35)
You

know, but the thing about it is, is that, you know, I remember them telling me the stories of him and, and, and that family and how they were raised and how they believed, you know. So when I think about the impact that we have, you know, ⁓ speaking truth with compassion, being forthright, being honest, ⁓ doing the right thing. I can't stress enough.

Ralph Owens (21:56)
Yes.

Phillip Gregory McKibbins (22:04)
that there are no shortcuts. Everybody wants to get rich quick and they take different paths and there's nothing that beats hard work, faith, patience, and willing to accept challenges, ⁓ learning to fail ⁓ and going for it. I'll tell people in a heartbeat that the majority of the interviews I've had in my life.

I've gotten job offers because I've learned the art of turning the interview around, of letting them see inside of me. And if you don't mind, I'm going to share a question that I want people to master. ⁓ Many people that have been in my coaching tree that are now working at Google and AWS and Apple, I've taught them this.

and they've used it very effectively. I'll tell the person in heartbeat, you want to turn the interview to the point where you're interviewing them, where you're asking them the questions. And one of the most impactful questions you can ever ask an interviewer, especially if it's a job that you're really interested in, is I'll say, if we're sitting at a dinner table and I'm your family member talking to you about this job, what would you say?

Ralph Owens (23:07)
Mm-hmm. ⁓

Phillip Gregory McKibbins (23:27)
about this job and why should I take it? And what are the things that you haven't talked about? And help me as your brother understand what I need to know. And it's blown me away with how people will take that question and then they start getting real with you. They drop the facade and they really start talking about that company and the things that they're doing. And you follow it up with

Ralph Owens (23:40)
good.

Yes.

Mm-hmm.

Phillip Gregory McKibbins (23:56)
you know, thanking them and telling them that you just want truth. ⁓ And it distinguishes you from the other people because you're competing with thousands of people. And when you do something to gain attention ⁓ that is memorable, you know, they're going to hire the person or at least consider you a little bit more than you stand out from the rest of the crowd.

Ralph Owens (24:05)
Mm, got you.

Right.

Right.

Terry Baylor (24:23)
That's a great

Phillip Gregory McKibbins (24:25)
So.

Ralph Owens (24:25)
Right. Yeah, that's a great question.

Terry Baylor (24:25)
That's a great

question. man, Phil, man, that's so rough. there, I got about, I don't know which way to go here. I don't know which way to go.

Ralph Owens (24:27)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I guess I still got some other points. I still got some other points. I still got some other points. I get like I've been I've been patiently waiting there right now. But points I just I got the I got

Terry Baylor (24:43)
Go ahead, go ahead, Ralph, go ahead.

Cause I love your questions. Go ahead.

Ralph Owens (24:47)
I got to get you to talk a little bit more about the self-talk, right? That's something that I've developed in myself. was something that I identified in myself. You know, why am I telling myself that I can't do this? Right? You know, what was the driving force behind that? What should I be telling myself? I've always been fascinated by successful people, not to get what they get, but to understand how they think. Right? So what are you telling yourself in these moments? So if you could just talk on self-talk a little bit and then

Phillip Gregory McKibbins (24:49)
Okay.

Yeah.

Mm. Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Ralph Owens (25:16)
Confidence versus arrogance, right? Because we focus on, OK, we're going to get right self-talk. We're going to become real confident. But we've all seen those who have taken confidence and turned it into arrogance, right? And it's impossible to be arrogant and to be a servant leader and to be humble.

Phillip Gregory McKibbins (25:19)
Mmm.

Yeah,

yeah. Well, ⁓ I'll answer it this way, Ralph. ⁓ The confidence comes with preparing yourself, with ⁓ experiencing it, accepting those challenges, ⁓ learning new things, and getting out of your comfort zone. When you practice those things you've learned and you start mastering them, then you become better at it and better at it.

⁓ The difference between confidence and arrogance for me is humility. ⁓

You don't need to tell yourself that you're the best at what you do. Others will do that for you. When you master your craft and you put in the work, you'll start getting recognized for it. And I like to tell myself, as smart as I think I am, there are so many more people smarter than me, more talented than me, that are better than me.

Ralph Owens (26:18)
This could.

That's so good.

Mm-hmm.

Phillip Gregory McKibbins (26:41)
I believe in surrounding myself with the most talented people. And the biggest thing that I've had to face as a leader has been be comfortable enough to recruit people smarter than you. Surround yourself with them, empower them, and don't get caught into your own ego. A lot of leaders I deal with, it's about them. And they can't stand being around somebody that's smarter than them. So you could imagine.

Ralph Owens (26:46)
Mm.

Yes.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Phillip Gregory McKibbins (27:09)
how I've had to face this in my career, where people look at you some kind of way because they see you got something a little special and they think, ⁓ you I don't like this guy because ⁓ he's gonna get more than me. And that's a challenge that I faced pretty much everywhere I've been. And I've had to learn how to tone it down a little, you know, ⁓ because when you are...

the best at what you do, like I said, other people are gonna tell you. And you have to be willing to keep trying new things ⁓ because new challenges are gonna humble you. You're gonna fail, you know? And when you learn to be comfortable with failure, you know, I was once told that fail to the point where it doesn't take you out physically, where it doesn't kill you. And if you can fail where it doesn't kill you,

Ralph Owens (27:51)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Right, right. That's good.

Terry Baylor (28:05)
Mmm.

Phillip Gregory McKibbins (28:07)
then learn the lessons ⁓ and be open and honest with yourself and keep striving to get better. Now the self-talk.

We need to have the faith of David, King David. And King David has always been fascinating to me because here's a dude that was at the time a very small pipsqueak of a person not known to be this great leader and

Ralph Owens (28:29)
Okay.

Phillip Gregory McKibbins (28:46)
because he loved God so much, he was willing to step up when all these other warriors would not step up against Goliath. And he was willing to be humble enough to pick up a rock and his slingshot and go against this warrior who's in all his armor and his shield and his spear and his sword. And he ended up slaying him because of his faith.