The Empowerment Dynamic. Pt.6

Welcome to Leadership Sovereignty. I'm your host Terry Baylor along with Ralph Owens. Today we'll answer questions how the coach is the antidote for the rescuer, the difference between a sports coach and the empower

Yeah. Okay. Alright. Gotta keep going. Alright.

So so so we had the victim and the antidote for the victim is the creator. We had the persecutor and the antidote for the persecutor, is the challenger. Then we have the rescuer And the antidote for the rescuer is the coach. So let me read a little bit about this one. So the coach is the antidote to the victim's rescuer in the dreaded drama triangle.

While both a coach and a rescuer seek to support the other person, the victim or the creator, the rescuer actually draws power away from the victim and reinforces his or her powerlessness. A coach leaves power with the creator and seeks only to help facilitate her personal progress. A coach is the embodiment of a creator's desire to share power with others. So a coach is made to help a person become better, not do it for them. So we go back to the rescuer.

The rescuer wants to just take away all pain and eliminate whatever basically give a person something for free, something for nothing. Right? Something for nothing. The coach on the other hand wants to get that person to become better so that they can enjoy a better life and it's not based on giving them what they want, it's by helping them to become a better person. I mean, what are your thoughts on that Teri?

Yeah, here's the deal and I think we talked about this in the last show or I think it was the one that just came out but we talked about there are five types of people, right? You got us contacts, associate, partners, mentors and mentees. I believe in that coach aspect, I believe that's a person who's a partner. That this is someone who is, we call it, the kids would call it, maybe it's back in the 80s, 90s, the ride or die. They want to see you be the best version of yourself that you can be.

And they're actually gonna walk it out with you. Think one of the things that I read in here, Ralph, that I loved about it, he said the main difference between, and I thought this was a great analogy. The main difference between a sports coach and the empowerment dynamic the yeah, the empowerment dynamic coach is that this coach is actually on the playing field with you. They're walking life out with you. They're right there, they're not saying, okay, I'm on the sidelines.

Don't get me on these coaches. Coaches, man. Anyway, just yelling at you, talking about play D, play D. Fussing at you. But no, this coach is actually walking the walk and talking the talk right there with you.

In the life experience with you saying, hey, you can do it. You are a creator.

Yes.

I see you being the best version of you.

Yes, that's so powerful. I wanna read a little bit more here. A coach supports, assist and facilitates a creator in manifesting a desired outcome. A coach holds others to be I'm sorry, a coach holds others to be whole resourceful and creative. Coaches don't regard those who turn to them for support as somehow broken or in need of fixing, which is the rescuers viewpoint.

Instead a coach helps others to see new possibilities, helps them to dare to dream. A coach is a source of knowledge but he doesn't tell the creator what she should or should not do. Instead, he asked a lot of good questions, listens deeply to what the creator is saying as she thinks, probes and explores. A coach is constantly alert to the possibility. A coach may be able to see possibilities that may be invisible to me.

They help ignite my inspiration. They, and they're committed to my success as I forge my own way in life. They say I'm going to stand beside you no matter what and they mean it. What they don't say though is here let me fix this for you or even more importantly let me fix you which is the approach of the rescuer. Wow.

That's a coach. That's just what you just said. The ride or die, the one who's gonna stay in with you, no matter what we're gonna walk through this together. I'm not gonna let you be a victim in this. I'm gonna coach you and help you become the best creator that you could possibly be.

Right? And it seems like the the challenger could be in your life temporarily for a moment, for a season, for for an event. This coach is with you for the long haul. Yeah. Right?

Yes. Yeah. No I can definitely see that and what I love about it is the coach is not solving. The coach is not solving. He's encouraging the creator to solve.

Bringing the creator out in you

to

solve the problem.

Yes.

Not willing to sit back and let you be the victim. Right? Challenging the creative side of you so that you can become more out of yourself, of the power that you have. Yeah, the coach is a very important role. So, I mean, we've come full circle, right?

So we had the victim, the antidote for that is the creator. We have the persecutor, Anatomy for that is the challenger. And then we have the, rescuer and the antidote for that is the coach. So this is the empowerment dynamic, the dreaded drama triangle. And you get to choose, and this is the exciting part about all this, You get to choose which role you play every single day in every single situation.

Right? If you listen to this podcast, if you are transparent with yourself, get get alone with yourself and you think about the situations in the day. Right? You fell into one of those categories. Which one did you fall in?

Right? Be honest with yourself about it. If you fell into one of the dreaded drag drama triangle, roles, be honest with yourself about You know, it's me and me and Terry talk about this all the time. Man, you know what I was being a victim in that. Okay, I gotta change that because I refused to be a victim.

Yep. Right. Right. Oh, you know what? I was being the persecutor in that.

I wasn't challenging the person to become better. Was just coming down on him too hard. Right. I could do better in that area. Right.

This is the whole purpose of this is to expose so that you have the options and the choices so that you can make better decisions about how you think. Now adopting this type of mentality will unleash creativity and opportunities that you never saw that were already right there in front of you. Right? Because now you're looking at things differently. Terry, are your thoughts on that?

Look man, this is Jedi stuff right here. Absolutely. This is EQ at the highest level and most folks don't even have a perception of even how to operate inside of this dynamic. Mainly because we've really been conditioned the man to respond out of our emotions. And when you can step back, right, when you can step back and in any situation, remember, ask yourself, okay, is this an opportunity for me to be a creator?

Is this an opportunity for me to be a coach? Is this opportunity for me to not do what I've been doing in the past? What role am I gonna play? Or do I wanna continue to be a victim? I wanna continue be that person who's coming down and not trying to give any solutions.

And I'm gonna share this, this is one of the things that I do. This is just, man, when I know that I got something coming up or it's a big moment or just one of those days, Ralph, and I probably do this a couple of times a week, I'll go look in the mirror. I'm a challenge you guys, look in the mirror. Most people don't do this, look yourself in the eyes. Look yourself in the eye.

Look at, see you, don't just look at yourself like when you brush your teeth, no, look into your soul and say who you're gonna be today. Terry Yes. Baylor, you're gonna go out and be your best version of you today.

Yes.

You're gonna go out and be a creator today.

Yes.

You're gonna go out today and succeed today.

Yes.

Look at yourself, man. I'm telling you, will change how you see yourself.

Absolutely. Here's the beautiful thing about this, this costs you absolutely nothing. No. You can change your life today just by starting this practice. Right?

Who are you going to be? I also want to challenge you after hearing this and if you remember at the beginning of the podcast, I said this, I said, once you learn this, you can't unlearn it. You'll now see everybody through a lens of either a victim, a a a persecutor, a rescuer, a creator, a challenger, or a coach. Yep. The next time you get in a room around other people, just sit back and listen and see if you can identify what role everybody's playing.

Right? Start to train your mind's eye to to catch this. You you can just look at TV today. Look at any TV show and you're gonna find a victim, you're gonna find a persecutor, and you're gonna find a rescuer. Right?

Because drama is what sells TV. So recognize, start training yourself to recognize it. And once you recognize the roles, then look at yourself and say, what role am I playing? Right? But again, to Terry's point, right?

I do it every morning too. When I journal, the last thing I write in my journal every single morning is I am a creator, a challenger and a coach. I will not be a victim. To remind myself that I'm not falling into those categories. And I read this book, man, probably before years ago.

I still do it today, every day. To remind myself I will not be. This society can condition your mind that you are a victim. You know you are not. And you don't have to be and you have the power to choose today not to be.

We've armed you with enough information. We'll put a link to the book in the podcast description notes so that you can go and buy the book so that you can read it for yourself. But you do not have to be a victim. You are not a victim. You're only a victim if you choose to be.

Yeah. And it's what's funny about that. I was having a conversation with someone and they used the term, why do they have to punish me? I'm like, first of all, you are an adult. They can't punish you, you can have a difference of opinion but you don't have to be And I thought that that was really interesting that an adult would say of another adult, why are you punishing me?

And I'm like, you can't see yourself in that way because Man, you can have a different set of opinion. Just say that we had a different set of opinion.

That's right.

This is the action this person took but they cannot punish you.

That's right.

Right? They don't have that kind of authority to

punish That's right. That's right. Even in just that little example, Terry, what I hear is a person who looks at themselves as a victim, they've identified a persecutor and they're talking to you to be the rescuer.

Yeah, exactly.

And I'm

trying to coach, I'm

trying Challenge to it,

That's right. On, I mean, you're exactly right. You are exactly right and it plays out every single day. It plays out. And here's the thing too, right?

You understanding those different roles, you can decide, you know what, today's the anecdote I'm gonna put out there, I'm gonna do the creator anecdote today.

Yes.

And then just see what the outcome is. Okay, then the next time something comes up, you go, I'm gonna be the challenger today.

That's right.

And see how it plays out. So you get your own personal case study to see how folks react. Yes. Okay, now you're gonna be the coach. And I think it's a great opportunity for you.

Definitely go out and get the book as Ralph stated, we'll put the details about the book in the podcast notes. And man, Ralph, this has been a good one. I'm so glad that you chose this topic for these episodes. So I'm we hope sorry, go ahead.

No, I was saying I'm really excited about it. I hope that it really blessed a lot of people, right? Because a lot of the other things that we're gonna talk about in this podcast build on this concept of you being the creator. You have to understand that you have your own power to do certain things. And if you are looking at yourself as a victim, it's gonna be very hard to, embrace some of these other concepts that we're gonna throw your way.

So now this this has been a good one. I'm I'm I'm really looking forward to hearing, feedback, you know, from our listeners on, did it bless you and how it helped you and things of that nature because it it was a tremendous help to us.

Most definitely. Most definitely. So hey, you wanna start that creator? Remember man, you gotta do that, those affirmations before you go to bed. Yourself, see yourself where you wanna be, visualization.

All a part of your creativity, man. I'm telling you.

Yes. Absolutely. Absolutely. Alright. Alright, y'all.

Until the next time. Y'all be blessed.

Thank you for being with us today on Leadership Sovereignty. Stay connected with us on X, formerly known as Twitter, and on Instagram by searching for Leadership Sovereignty. And just like this podcast, let's all collectively grow as we go. God bless.